


Hightened Anxiety

by Inalandofmythandtimeofmagic



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: M/M, Panic Attack, anxiety attack, negitive self talk, waring for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 04:57:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10712658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inalandofmythandtimeofmagic/pseuds/Inalandofmythandtimeofmagic
Summary: So this came about because I read a couple fics about Thomas going on medication and it kinda hurting Anxiety…..and they were amazing fics.. And I loved them….but….  Something  wasn't sitting well with me ….so here's this….sorry. Because like Thomas said, everyone has anxiety, his is just heightened.





	Hightened Anxiety

Logic, Morality and Prince were gathered in Thomas’ living room, the four of them whispering in hushed tones, working together to come up with a new video idea. Anxiety felt it like a cold hand around his heart. They were whispering in hopes that he wouldn’t hear, that this time he wouldn’t come. But how could he not? When they were all so afraid that he would, it practically summoned him. 

He appeared in his normal spot and immediately took a step forward and hunkered down, he already towered over them, it certainly didn’t help to stand on the stairs. He looked down at Thomas and his three other sides, who only stood as high as his knee. He sat down cross legged, not having enough room to stand up comfortably, Morality visibly gulped at him. 

“You’re not serious are you? It’s two a.m. , if you haven’t thought of something by now you’re not going to. Just go to bed.” 

“Now hold on a minute Stormy,” Anxiety tried to shrink in on himself even more at Prince’s harsh tone. “We are on the precipice of something great here. I can feel it.”

“No, you’re not. You guys have been talking circles for hours, Thomas you need to rest. What if you don’t wake up on time? Then you won’t make it through security on time, you’ll miss your flight and who knows if you’ll be able to get another one? Probably not, then you’ll have to try and get your money back which will involve arguing with the desk lady…” 

“Hey now,” Morality tried to interrupt him, Anxiety sent a glare his way and whatever he was going to say was cut off. Morality lifted a hand to his throat as he attempted to speak but no sound came out. Anxiety felt a wave of horror wash over him, it was happening again. 

“Just go to bed, we can work on this on the plane tomorrow. “ He said before he sunk back into the maindscape. He sighed in relief as he flopped on his bed. Inside Thomas’ mind rooms changed to accommodate his gargantuan size, and alone in his room he could almost believe that he was normal. Almost. 

He didn’t want to be this big. He didn’t mean to be so powerful that he literally silenced the other sides, he didn’t want to be the only voice Thomas ever heard. 

He didn’t want to be a monster.

Tears were burning his eyes and all he could see was sweet Morality’s face, awash with alarm as he tried and failed to speak. He couldn’t stop them, they flooded down his face and soaked into the hood of his jacket.

Needless to say neither he nor Thomas slept that night. Anxiety spent the early morning ride to the airport flinging questions at Thomas. Did you pack your charger? What about your toothbrush? Deodorant? Did you turn the lights off before you left? Did you lock the front door? Do you have your boarding pass? Do you know where you’re going? Did you give yourself enough time to get through security? What if they search you?

Prince and Morality looked on in mute frustration from the mindscape, while Logic managed to get out the occasional strained whisper. He’d always been able to hold out the longest against Anxiety, Prince usually lost his voice first, and Morality soon after. Logic would fight him, hard, but in the end Anxiety always won. Much to his dismay. 

They all felt it, the moment Logic had no more fight in him. His face fell and he sank back into the mindscape. Thomas pulled the car to the side of the road, letting it idle there in the five a.m. dark. The attack was inevitable, the silent sides looked on, helpless. Morality was crying, leaning against Logan, who wrapped an arm around him. Prince’s eyes were watery, but he gripped the hilt of his katana angrily. 

Anxiety’s presence in the car was overwhelming, his gargantuan size seeming to press all their from Thomas’ lungs. Anxiety watched through tears as the boy fiddled desperately with the door handle. Thomas practically fell out of the car when he managed to get the door open, hitting his knees and gasping in lungfuls of air. Anxiety wanted to leave him alone, he wanted to stay in the car and let him pull himself out of the attack. But he needed Thomas to turn on his hazards on, and he definitely need him to get off the side of the road. To at least move to the other side of the car where he was less likely to get hit. He climbed out of the car and walked around it to stand in front of Thomas. 

“Get up,” no response. “Thomas get up. You have to get off the road, you have to turn your hazards on. . . THOMAS!” Finally the boy struggled to his feet. Shakily he reached into the car and turned the hazards on. Then he moved around to the far side of the car and sat down with his back pressed to the cold metal. 

Anxiety sat down also, he tried to regulate his own breaths and make his mind blank. It took longer than he would have liked, but eventually he calmed enough that the other sides could appear again. Morality was instantly at Thomas’ side, Logan only a few steps behind. Prince appeared in front of Anxiety with a scowl. 

“Well he’s already missed the flight, I think you’d better leave.” His voice was harsh with defensive anger. Anxiety just nodded sadly, sinking away. 

Once in the safety of his own bed he curled into a ball of misery, trusting the others to get Thomas home alright. Well not really trusting, his mind still asked what-if’s at a million miles an hour. He fought to stay away, he put all of his energy into staying in the bed. Eventually he turned on some music, playing too loud in hopes of drowning out the thoughts. By time Thomas was home and he could relax, he was exhausted. HIs limbs felt heavy and immovable and his felt dry. 

There was a small knock on his door before Logan popped his head in; “ Thomas’ Mom is stopping by, just thought I should let you know. “ He said hesitantly, Anxiety didn’t respond. “Do you want to come out?” Anxiety shook his head no and pretended not to see the look of relief that passed over the other’s face before he closed the door. 

He fell asleep hard. The kind of sleep that was hard to wake up from. Somehow he felt worse, with no idea how long he’d been asleep. He cracked one eye open and jumped in surprise when he realized someone else was in the room. 

Morality sat at the foot of the bed smiling happily at him, even if there was a little fear behind it.

“Hey big guy, how you feeling?”

“Fine I guess. How’s Thomas?”

“He’s fine, he’s fine. Don’t worry about him.” 

“Right, I won’t worry, like that’s possible.” 

“So, while you were passed out Mom stopped by.” 

“Thomas’ mother, stop calling her Mom, it’s weird.”

“Anyways, we all sat down and decided that maybe it was time for Thomas to start taking a medication. An anxiety medication.” Morality looked at him fearfully. 

And he was right to, Anxiety could already feel the panic setting in. What would this do to him?  
Why would the do this to him? Why wouldn’t they? He was a freak, a monster who they hated. Of course they wanted to get rid of him. He deserved whatever happened to him. 

“Hey kiddo,” Morality said, but it was barely a whisper. “I need you to take a breath. Just breath with me for a second okay?” 

Anxiety tried, he really did. He did not want to silence Morality again, but now he was worried about that and the looming doom of a prescription, and so of course Morality lost his voice. Again. The smaller side’s eye went wide, but he kept breathing deeply, over exaggerating his movements so Anxiety could follow. He focused on Morality and eventually his breathing began to slow. Morality patted his knee gently before jumping of the off the oversized bed. 

Thomas took his medication for a week. Anxiety his in his room for a week.

One morning he woke up feeling like he was suffocating. The blankets were heavy and he struggled to get out from under them. By time he found the edge of the blanket he was sweating and panting slightly. He looked bleary eyed around the room, the very over sized room. He slid off the side of the bed excitedly. He did not stick the landing, which he was to happy to care about. He ran to the door and had to jump to reach the handle, clinging on for dear life as it swung open. He stepped out into the hallway, which didn’t warp or grow to accommodate him, it was all ready the right size. 

“Morality!” He called running down the stairs, “Logic! Prince!” No answer. They must be with Thomas. He popped up on the stairs, surprising Thomas and the three other sides, who were setting up for a video. 

“Look!” He said, not able to keep the smile off his face. The others certainly did look, staring at him in shock. “It worked, I’m the right size.” But his face begin to fall at the extended silence. Maybe they still hated him? They had probably hoped he’d be gone for good. Of course they had, they hated him. He was still a monster. 

Slowly he began to sink down, but a solid body hit him square in the chest, arms wrapping tightly around him. 

“Morality?” He asked in a small voice, Morality just squoze tighter before pulling back to look at him. 

“Hello Anx, it’s nice to meet you.” Morality had tears in his eyes but he was smiling widely and kept one arm wrapped tightly around his shoulders. Anxiety felt a blush burn his cheeks. Logic stepped up and offered him a hand shake, along with a nod and a small smile. Prince stepped up to him slowly, mistrust still in his eyes. It stung, but he understood it. 

“I imagine we will still tussle, but I am glad to know we are evenly matched.” Anxiety had to resit the urge to roll his eyes, but he supposed that was good enough for now. 

There was one left, slowly he raised his head to look a Thomas, who still looked shocked.   
“Hi,” he said uncertainly, stepping out of Morality’s embrace reluctantly. 

“Hi,” Thomas responded, his voice still breathy and disbelieving.   
“So, I’m a little smaller now. You think you can handle me?”

Thomas laughed, a real laugh, and soon they were all laughing. Morality’s full on belly laughter, Prince’s hearty chuckle, Logic’s shoulders shaking silently, the occasional snort escaping him. And a new sound, nearly a giggle, escaping from behind Anxiety’s hand. 

 

Later that night Anxiety stood in front of his door, he was exhausted, it had been a very emotional day. But he was happy, he hadn’t silenced anyone, he’d been hugged for the first time in his life. Now however he was to tired to jump up and reach the enormous door handle. Instead he just gazed up at it. 

“What are you doing?” Prince asked, walking up behind him. 

“I’m too tired to reach.” He said self-pityingly, and was surprised when Prince chuckled lightly. 

“Let my try;” and he screwed his eyes shut in concentration. Anxiety watched in amazement as the door shrunk to a normal size. 

He opened the door to see that the room had also shrunk, the walls no white with gold decor and a deep red comforter covered a four poster bed. 

“Wow. Um, Prince this,” 

“Roman, you are allowed to call me Roman now.” 

“Thank you Roman, but… This isn’t really my style.” 

“Indeed.” Logic said from behind them, who was standing in the doorway with Morality. “Anx is not drawn to decadence as you are.” 

Prince snorted but Morality was quick to agree with him, “No Anxi needs something comfy!” 

“Anxi?” Anxiety and Prince asked in unison, but Morality already had his eyes screwed shut. The room swirled and shifted around them, finally settling into soft blue walls, a fluffy white comforter was piled high with stuffed animals and a cuckoo clock chimed on the wall. 

“No, no, no.” Logic said closing his eyes. The walls shifted to slate grey, furniture with clean lines appeared and bookshelves filled to busting lined the whole room. 

“Why don’t you give it a try?” Roman asked him, and he looked at him with wide eyes. 

“I can’t!” 

“Why not, we all have the ability, you’ve just got to try.” Morality said gently. Anxiety took a big, shaky breath before closing his eyes. What did he want? He felt the room begin to shift. The hardwood floor changed to carpet. He kept Prince’s four poster bed,Morality’s fluffy comforter and Logics grey walls. He shifted one whole wall to be a window so that moonlight filled the room the room with no other light. 

“It’s perfect” Morality breathed, once again wrapping an arm around his shoulders. 

“Yes, I believe this is satisfactory.”

“We just need to test one thing,” Roman said with a smirk before running and leaping on the bed. He jumped twice before flopping onto his back. “Good job, Anx. This bed has the perfect amount of bounce.” 

Morality laughed, before he two leaped at the bed landing sprawled across Prince, who grunted at the sudden weight. Anxiety turned to look at Logic, unsure of what to do, Logic just shrugged before he to was running at the bed, landing gracefully next to the entangled pair. The three’s laughs died off into comfortable silence. 

“Are you coming Anx?” Morality called around a yawn. Once again he had to hide a blush and smile as he walked slowly to the bed and sat on the edge. Roman reached up and grabbed his sleeve, pulling him off balance on his Morality free side. “Come here, Raincloud.” he said without any bite, and Anx smiled at the nickname. Logan on the far side of Morality was already snoring as Prince suppressed his own yawn. 

“Goodnight Logan.” Morality Mumbled, there was no answer from the sleeping side, “Goodnight Roman. “

“Goodnight Mo,” Prince whispered back.

“Goodnight Anx,”

“Goodnight,” he said in wonder. Prince's arm tightened around his shoulders and Mo reached one hand across Roman’s chest to lock their fingers together. 

And for the first time the night really was good.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! you can also find me on tumblr @inalandofmythandtimeofmagic


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